I’m getting physically weak. No exercise in over six weeks is not good for me. I’m addicted to table tennis, and after cross country skiing and swimming it’s on the same level with badminton with regard to strenuousness. And I’ve been playing soccer and tennis on a decently high level back in Germany, but that’s nothing comparable to 2-3 times a week of hitting that little ball over the net. It’s the best physical exercise ever, hands down. It keeps me in shape and compensates for the ridiculously big amounts of food I eat on a daily basis. My body starts reacting now, my arms and legs are getting mushy, my breath short and I feel tired all the time. It’s like if you go to the gym on a regular basis of if you run almost every day, and all of a sudden you have to stop. It starts to get to me, not only physically but also emotionally. I had to stop playing when the discomfort got really bad and I literally peed blood after practicing. That was before I knew I had cancer and my doctor and I thought it was probably due to a bunch of little kidney stones bouncing around as I chase after the little white ball. And after the Cystoscopy during which they put a stent in my ureter, even breathing hurt for a while, let a lone walking or any kind of moving around. When that got better, I thought I could give it a shot and I considered playing at least once a week until my surgery. But about two weeks ago, I did some light work outside on the patio and as I was trying to get my leaf blower started – unsuccessfully – I felt that the pain in my left side of the abdomen came back right away. Half an hour later I peed soft junks of bloody tissue, some were about 3 inches in size.

I’m now about two weeks away from my nephrectomy. Slowly the anxiety emerges. It’s not that I’m scared, yet, but my thoughts revolve around the time post surgery and what result the pathology report will come back with. According to Dr. Badani, my cancer has been sitting there for a very long time, given its size. And by the way, he was the fourth doctor that clearly concluded that my wife’s cancer and my cancer have no common thread. They are completely different kinds of cancers and likely started at very different times. So at least that took off the angst of thinking that there could be something wrong with our house.

It’s interesting; yesterday, I put an article together for my website and I researched web sources for “Developments in Kidney Cancer” and “The future of kidney cancer”. The statements I found couldn’t have been any more contradictory. Kidney Cancer has the a very poor prognosis – the next site I browsed on to stated the exact opposite. Excellently treatable, the ‘best’ of all cancers. In Germany we have a saying and I’m not sure if it works in English, too: “The truth lies somewhere in between.” So I guess the fact of the matter is, that if the cancer is caught early enough and when it’s still confined to the kidney solely, the prognosis is normally very good. However, if it has spread already further, it is in fact quite difficult to treat, as it doesn’t respond too well to chemo and other adjuvant treatments, but it can be kept at bay for a long time.

I have a goal. My goal is to make it another ten years at the least. That seems to be realistic, neither too pessimistic nor overly ambitious. I like that, actually.

Have a great weekend!   

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