I think I’m slowly emerging from the down I was going through for the past few days. Sue being a constant reminder of the positive and Gods grace, me learning to accept the fact that there are things beyond my control, plus a few little cheer-ups of all sorts and kinds  - for instance, look at the picture atop of this post: that’s my niece Hannah, she can light up a room instantaneously  - yes, I think I’m slowly getting back on track.

One of the most profoundly import things in life, is to learn how to let go. And that ties back to the ability of accepting that there are things I have no or only limited influence on. Once this is achieved, the inner peace comes back alongside with solid confidence.

Of course, there are several approaches to succeed in doing so. To me, it’s a combination of rational decision making along with the realization: okay, I do have to let go of this one, there is nothing I can do about it. The other equally, or even more important part, is to leave it up to a higher power. Which ultimately manifests in faith. Confidence is built and thrives on faith. Intellectually, I always understood this concept, yet, I was incapable of internalizing it. And again, this is obviously a learning process. The key is to be open and stay committed throughout the learning period. This is something I need to remind myself on.

Cancer is expensive, even if you’re fortunate enough to have a good insurance plan. And having two cancer patients in the family, ultimately imparts financial strain. We are now at a point where we are in jeopardy of not being able to keep up with our mortgage payments anymore. Our medical costs have swallowed up all our resources and credit cards. Since six months we are trying to get a home loan modification. But of course, there are obviously thousands of families who try the exact same. I don’t even blame the banks, it’s just very frustrating. And I think that frustration really took over everything (again!).

But I slowly start to see the situation from a different angle. If we lose the house, then we lose the house. Would that be bad? Yes, absolutely. But is that the worst that could happen to us? No, of course not. So what?! Secondly: do I know for a fact that our request will come back unapproved? No, I don’t  - there is still hope. So what do I worry about?

For my own peace of mind, I decided to let go. We did and will continue to do everything that we can, to work with the bank in order to improve our situation. But if a solution can’t be found, well,  then so be it. We will still be together as a family and then we just have to start over again.

I know that God brought me to my family for a reason. It’s simply too odd that both my wife and I got cancer (actually, we most likely had our cancers already before we met). We were both unhappy with our individual situation back then, found each other under less than normal circumstances and the fact that I was able to move myself and my job from Europe across the Atlantic Ocean to the USA, cannot be solely just attributed to the concept of “of things just happen randomly.” I am here for a reason. I know that for a fact and without being overly romantic.

In less than two weeks, my surgery will be past me.  

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