First things first: I went to my PET Scan last Tuesday at the New Jersey Institution of Radiology in Carlstadt, NJ, to get a better picture on my kidney cancer situation. The whole thing took about 2.5 hours. First, I had to change into a gown, pants and a robe. I was allowed to keep my underwear on, which I was tremendously grateful for. Then my nurse Eric drew some blood and checked for the glucose level, which turned out to be fine. No wonder, I was told to fast and to have water only since the night before. Eric left the room and came back 30 seconds later, with a metal case in his hands. That thing reminded me of an Army toolbox, certainly not a type of container you’d expect to see in a doctor’s office. He carefully opened the ominous thing to cautiously take out another container that looked like an oversized bullet. At that point he probably noticed the big question mark on my forehead which prompted him to explain to me, that this thing “might look a little scary, but it’s just the radioactive stuff I’m gonna inject you with.” If I wasn’t uncomfortable until now, that certainly changed instantaneously right that second. Even more so when he proceeded to tell me that I was going to be radioactive for about 24 hours, and therefore strongly advised to use a separate bathroom. Further to that, he asked me if we had young children living in our house. I told him about our two daughters, 12 and 14 of age. “Okay”, he said with authority in his voice, “kissing and hugging is okay, but they can’t sit on your lap.” I assured him that neither I nor my two teenaged daughters, have any desire to sit on each others laps. Eric seemed to be pleased to hear that.

Well, Eric went on to proceed with his task and a few moments later my arteries and veins propelled what you typically want to see securely deposited in a specially therefore designed facility all throughout my body. It didn’t hurt or anything, it was just the thought that freaked me out. Anyway, I was then handed an 8 ounces bottle containing of a white, milky mass that reminded me of melted jelly beans after I had successfully consumed my first sip. Not that I ever had the pleasure to drink liquidized jelly beans, but that’s what it reminded of for some reason. Eric instructed me to go to sleep for an hour. I wasn’t sure whether or not he was joking. After all, that guy just administered me with a fluorescent radioactive material and told me to not have my daughters sitting on my lap – at least not for the next 24 hours…….But he was serious, apparently, because he switched the light off, handed me a blanket and hollered, as he was in the process of leaving the room, that he’ll be back in an hour.

The hour passed quickly. Eric picked me up and accompanied me into the room next door where the actual PET/CT Scan device was located. I had to lay down and put my arms over my head. Unfortunately, I didn’t take my time to correctly adjust the head/neck rest which turned out to be a huge mistake. But everything went so fast and Eric made it very clear to me, that I had to remain absolutely still during the procedure, otherwise I would fuck up the whole thing. He didn’t actually say “fuck up”, but I am pretty sure that’s exactly how he would have phrased if he had been among drinking buddies and not with one of his customers. My point is, this time I knew for sure that he wasn’t joking.

This big machine then started to pull me back and fourth through a hole in its middle section. And as I was being moved, sometimes pretty fast, then painstakingly slowly again, I was wondering how people with a size beyond “34” could possibly fit through such a tight opening. I was barely making it through and I’m in pretty decent shape now. But that actually was the least of my problems – since I was unable to position the head-rest accurately, my head and neck was not sufficiently supported. So I basically had to keep in the exact same position by using muscles in my body I was actually unaware of their existence until then. And believe me, if you’re uncomfortable, 30 minutes feel like an eternity.

But anyway, I made it and according to Eric, I did a good job. So he dismissed me to get changed back into my clothes and get my stuff from the lockers. I was happy that I have gotten past the whole thing, even though I have to give it to Eric and the staff there. They are really great, very friendly and attentive. So if you ever have to go for a PET scan – which I hope you won’t for obvious reasons – this place is a good one.